Well, hello there!
You might be wondering that that is an odd line to open a journal entry, but I very much appreciate that you are investing some time into your curiousness and wanting to learn more and coming to me for that.
Today, I want to share with you one of the best kept (not) secrets in the life of successful business owners:
The “Hell, YEAH!”, “Hell, NO!” technique.
What do I mean by that? How does it work? How can you apply it into your daily life?
Have you ever had that moment, where you were asked a question, and you immediately felt this surge of energy that made you blurt out an excited “YESSSS”?
THAT is a “Hell, Yeah!”. This feeling, that excited you and got you all tingly and energised. And as you remember it, you feel energised again, don’t you?
Now, for the “Hell, No!” it is exactly the same: When you were approached by a sales person, and they immediately start to talk all over you and want to force you into buying something, you will feel that “Noooooo!” bubbling up from inside you. And I am sure you know that feeling as well, don’t you? The key here is to observe the amazing feeling when you say a firm No! And it does feel quite the same as the Hell, yeah, doesn’t it?
Now that you are aware of these, you can simply start adapting them. That’s the whole secret, and sounds very easy and manageable, and I believe you might ask now: So, where’s the catch? Why isn’t everyone doing it? And you’re so right wondering about that!
As with all mindset changing techniques, it takes a lot of self-compassion and self-love, as well as patience and discipline, and facing the fear and doing it anyway. Being true to oneself can be challenging when you start with this, but I am absolutely sure that you will come to an understanding that it is one of the most valuable things in your life, once you’ve gotten into action.
The easiest principle to memorise is:
When it isn’t a “HELL YEAH”, it’s a “HELL NO!”
As you identified the feeling of both now, and how awesome they feel when you experience them, let’s do a little experiment with examples.
“Hell, no!” mostly comes up when we have to deal with relatives who invite themselves over and invade our lives like a herd of new-born baby spiders. (Yes, exactly: THAT feeling.) Unfortunately, we cannot get the vacuum cleaner out to suck up our aunt Myrtle 🤷♀️.
But why aren’t we speaking up? Why is it so hard to say “Auntie, I really like you (not), but I can’t facilitate you here.”?
It often has to do with us wanting to be liked, and thinking we need to do things to make others happy. It’s human, and absolutely a trade in all of us. But here’s the thing: When we say Yes to things we do not feel like wanting to do, we work against our truest self each time. And that leads to unhappiness, feeling stuck, and “Meh”.
It also leads to an imbalance of Takers sucking the life out of us.
Implementing the exercise of a “Hell, NO!”, is immensely liberating here – and admittingly, hard work at times!
But I promise you: Once you start doing it, bit by bit, you will feel how FREEING it is, and how amazing it feels to say NO!
So, the exercise for today is, that you start with a simple question someone asks you, when they want something from you:
When your wife asks you, if you’d like pizza for dinner, but you fancy pasta, but you know how much she likes pizza and therefore you’d say Yes everytime, just simply say: I know you love pizza very much, but I really fancy pasta. Let’s have pasta tonight.
When a friend asks you for a wine out, but you don’t feel like it but still would say Yes, tell them: I am sorry, I had a hard week, so I’d rather stay at home, but thank you very much for the invite. (If they still want to convince you, simply let your inner German out and bark at them: “I said NO!” You have my permission to be a little bit German for a wee moment there. It works WONDERS, believe me! 🤭😂)
Do this every day, and if it helps, even put it into your calendar as daily reminder. You will see it has the most amazing effects. People respect people who can say No to something much more, as you have the strength and confidence to show them your boundaries.
Saying No develops healthy relationships with yourself and all others around you, and helps you gain so much more insight on what you truly want. And when we do what we truly want, we are so much happier and empowered, aren’t we?
And how could you implement this in your business life?
👎 Say No to a marketing person, where you would only say Yes because you like or are in the same network with them, and feel you owe them.
👍 Say Yes to a book that would help you grow, and No to a book that your friend wants you to read (so they can talk about it with you, and you would only agree because they are your friend).
👎 Say No to a social media platform if you despise it and focus your Yes on the one which you like (Caution though: With social media there’s often no Hell Yeah, as it’s something we need for our business – so choose what makes more fun and is easier to navigate for you).
The Hell, Yeah / Hell, No exercise is also a huge part of essentialism, and some of the most successful business owners in history have adapted this attitude towards everything that they do.
💥 So, give yourself PERMISSION to do what is best for YOU, your business and your closest family and friends.
I’ll leave you with it for now, and feel free to drop me a message about your experience with this, or if anything comes up that you want to discuss.
Yours truly, Heike 🤘🌊🤘
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